For years I have felt the siren call of new spirituality. I would see the messages of those following that path; “Connect to your heart- connect to peace”… “Meditation practices for transcendence and ascension”. The form of alignment and spirituality they appeared to possess intrigued me and it seemed that they truly had found a way to connect with themselves in a way that I longed for. Their countenance seemed so soft, as if bursting with peace- their bodies still. How I envied that.
They appeared deeply connected to a spiritual power.
I grew up in a Christian family and environment and for that I am eternally grateful, however I struggled with a dissonance. In some of my teen years I battled a very intense internal battle of OCD and intrusive thoughts and my body was almost never truly calm, although on the outside I was a perfectly normal girl excelling at everything. I had tried all of the spiritual remedies in the church only to be thoroughly disappointed.
And so the siren call spoke; and the problem wasn’t even that I read a 300 page book on breathwork and spent a lot of time hands folded meditating- those are all holistic practices that are biblical and rooted first in biblical truth. The problem was more so that I thought something in my faith was lacking- that God lacked towards me.
I was perplexed and frustrated by natural paths who had connected to the power of their hearts and achieved mental stillness and physical calm. I couldn’t stop asking in the quiet room of my heart, what are they doing right, and what am I doing wrong?
As years progressed I seemingly came out of the dark night of intrusive thoughts and felt more and more normal. Yet this alternative path still tantalized me- except now it was more about satisfying the spiritual emptiness and ache that gnawed at me.
Yet I feel that God’s truth has finally resounded inside of me. The world has said connect to your heart and you will have peace. Isn’t that the very heart that is so full of what can make our lives miserable? God created man with a spirit and that spirit craves connection- communion with God. The history of man is one of searching- a search for truth, an interpretation of reality, and I finally see that those who boast peace in themselves lie. There is no peace outside of God.
When they say, “You are enough and you are all you need”, that can seem so empowering and intoxicating like a form of independent self-reliance has been found. However, there can be no greater emptiness. We quickly find ourselves stuck in ourselves- alone. We think we can be good on our own- to confront our own weakness and look it in the face. We quickly find that we are not the solution to ourselves. I see now life isn’t a quest where we have to fix ourselves by becoming so calm that we eventually have this epiphany moment and everything “aligns”.
We must connect to His heart- the heart of God. When we are anxious, He is our peace. When we are lost, He is our guide. What a joy that I don’t have to fix myself or achieve something in a solitary spiritual journey. God has offered Himself and most beautifully, His heart. He is not far off like I had felt so many days in those hard times in my teens.
The words of Jesus in John 14:27 share the truth: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” The peace of the world hypnotized me for some time, but now I see all it can offer is hallow, indeed all the world can give is a man engulfed in his own darkness.
This revelation feels like a great return. A great embrace back into the arms of the One who never left me, and whose heart beats with strength towards me. He is all I need. I pray this blesses you.
Warmly, Destiny
Truth. Activism. Justice. 
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